


Rural charm in the country

by holesinthesky



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: ALL THE CRACK, Almost no literary merit, Crack, Epistolary, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-07
Updated: 2013-12-07
Packaged: 2018-01-03 22:23:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1073738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holesinthesky/pseuds/holesinthesky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We are so sorry. Actually no we're not.</p>
<p>We were editing our very serious and sensible epistolary fic and then this kind of grew from the pages. We might have indulged it a bit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rural charm in the country

**To** : John Watson

How do people exist in the country? I can feel my mind melting. I need something to do. Don’t people kill each other out here? Considering committing elaborate murder just to pass the time.

-SH

P.S. A strange rash has developed on my penis, you might want to get yourself checked out. And buy condoms.

P.P.S Pass above message on to the following people: Lestrade, the client from last Thursday and Irene, if you can find her.

P.P.P.S Do not read anything into the above message, I have of course been entirely faithful to you.

P.P.P.P.S Shit, did I tell you we were dating? I meant to. You might have been away. You do that a lot. It is entirely unacceptable. 

 

**To** : Sherlock Holmes

Christ, I don’t even know. I think they ride horses? You’re the one who grew up there you great toff, you tell me.

DID YOU TELL ME?! That’s pretty sodding rich, mister. We had this discussion _seven years ago_. You know, four years before we got _married_. Jesus. We also had a similar discussion about fidelity, or rather our agreed lack thereof so I am baffled that you sound so bloody shifty. Are you straying outside the rules?

Greg _promised_ me you guys weren’t shagging without me. AND ISN’T IRENE DEAD?

So anyway, there is a long fucking list of people who need to hear about this penis rash of yours. Christ, it was fine last time I saw it.

Send me a picture.

 

**To** : John Watson

False alarm, it was jam.

-SH

 

**To** : Sherlock Holmes

Well, I’m sure Lestrade appreciated the entirely unnecessary but _very_ thorough inspection anyway.

It is nice having his attention all to yourself isn’t it?

 

**To** : John Watson

Hold that thought, I just remembered why I was putting jam on my penis. Getting on the next train, be in the flat in two hours, naked, with three jars of jam (blueberry if possible) and Lestrade.

-SH


End file.
